Expectations and Permission

Sunflower Photo by Bella Cosa Art - Deana Mattos

“I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think.”

— Rumi

Hard to believe but this is my first post of October. The days just really go by fast. I get caught up in day to day activities. I loose track of days and weeks.

Fall is always a busy time. Wrapping up the yard and garden. Preserving some of the food over for winter. Making sure things are protected from the coming freezing temps and wet weather.

Our oldest daughter, middle child, Olivia turned 20. Someday I will tell you her story. We thank everyday that she is with us. She had a very rough start and we were not sure she would come home with us after her birth. She was born with a heart defect and has bravely endured many other health issues. We still regularly see specialists for her. She is autistic and for now the plan is we will take care of her in our family home. So hard to believe my kids are growing way too fast. I think why she came to mind is related to the title of this post.

Raising a child with disabilities is full of different expectations, with a lot of permissions to yourself that you have to do things differently in order for your family to work and be happy. Almost everyday these two things can change.

Expectations and permission to doing things against mainstream has been a struggle for me. Maybe because I have had to change my expectations so often and I tend to be a little hard on myself. Too high of expectations or society set expectations , affect all of us. Permission to not do things the expected way, the main stream way, or to change what we expect of ourselves. All things we find hard.

My health has been going through major changes for almost four years now.. I have had to let go of a lot of expectations for myself and give myself new permissions. How I blog and this website is new to me. I have certain expectations for it and for me. When I don’t meet them exactly like I want, I have to say that is ok, tomorrow is a new day. Start again. So I am.

Today I gave myself a new permission. Also ran it by hubby and he is supportive. Funny how we have such high expectations for ourselves that we think everyone else is thinking the same but they are not. Their expectations are usually kinder than our own. So I am allowing my self to take care of my website and blog from the comfort and safe place of my bed. There is much I can’t do from my bed but also much that I can do on my laptop. I had the expectation of; I had to casual business dress and sit at one of my desks or in the studio. I just realized that the beauty of working from home and being your own boss is I can do what I want. if working from bed is productive then “permission granted”!

So here I am blogging and putting paintings for sale and marketing from my bed tonight and it feels great. I am actually doing it instead of putting it off again because all the expectations haven’t been met. How about we give each other permission to do what works best for each one of us? Be supportive of each other. Be reasonable with our expectations of ourselves and others. This works best for me in my present circumstances. I hope you give yourself permission to do what works best for you and set reasonable expectations tailored to your circumstances.

Good night,
Deana Mattos

So, one more time:

"Hello and Welcome to the heART of Montana and Bella Cosa Art"

--Deana Mattos